Can't find the words

I have tried to post the last few days, but I just can't find the words. I want to say life is hard but God is stronger than that.  I want to say that my God has all of the things that we are facing under control and I am trusting in him.  I do trust him and I know that He is in control, but . . .
I am a very emotional person.  I wear my heart right out on my sleeve and my heart is hurting right now.  I find myself going from sadness, to anger, to frustration.  I am having to work daily, hourly to reel in my emotions and stand on His promises.  I know my emotions do not dictate my relationship with God and am thankful for that. 
The truth is, I am scared and worried.  I think I have previously noted that I hate change.  Well, we are cliff diving into a mound of change right now and I am as shaken as can be.  I feel like I am in a dodge ball game, and I'm stuck to the floor, with the balls just pummeling me.  I will find the words to share everything that is going on, but right now, we just need prayers for our family, especially for our Papa and Memaw.  Most of all, we need prayers for peace in our souls.  I know that satan is standing in the wings waiting for us to falter, but God can and will provide the peace that surpasses all understanding and that is what we am need most.

Painting

This post is out of order, but that's OK.  I went to Sips N Strokes last week with Amy, Christi, Linda and Jenn.  I have done this a couple of times and realized that I really enjoy painting.  No one else had been, and I got a kick out of listening to them fret about putting paint on a canvas.  Who cares what it looks like.  You don't have to hang it in your living room.  I must say that I loved all of the pictures.  Everyone did an amazing job.  Most of all, I enjoyed the time with my family, my friends.  Amy never gets to do something just for her, and I so enjoyed watching her settle in, relax and have fun, just for her.  Christi and Linda were a hoot.  Christi is a perfectionist, so worried about every detail.  Linda was painting 10 minutes after the class stopped and announced that we were just jealous that we weren't still painting.  Jenn was giggling most of the time.   She made me giggle too.  It was fun.  So fun.


I am thankful for these times and memories.  I am thankful for a husband that wants me to do things for myself and is so willing to keep Will and push me to go.  I am thankful that I am friends with my sister, my cousin, my Aunt.  I am so blessed to have grown up in a close family.  I have realized that family does not always mean friends.  I know many people who rarely talk to their siblings and have shut out their families. That makes me sad for others, because I can't imagine not being friends with my sister, or Christi, or Linda or the rest of my extended family.

Pictures, Birthdays, Weddings

This weekend has been CRAZY!  I love being busy, but . . . WOW.  We started yesterday with Will's 10 month pictures (which should have been 9 month pictures, but we got off schedule).  This makes me nervous.  I always worry that he will get upset, that the pics won't turn out well, that we will stress out his Daddy and Kim, our awesome photographer.  Silly, I know.  They are pictures of his life and if he is crying, that's OK.  He does that sometimes.  However, if you have been around me with my son, you might have noticed that I don't like for him to cry.  EVER.  I do everything I can to make him happy all the time.  Can we say spoiled?    That's OK, because I waiting a long time to get him here and that is my right.  Anyway, to get back on track, the pictures went great.  He was wonderful and this made Mommy very happy.
So, that was in Trussville and we had to make it back to Hueytown for my sweet cousin Nathan's second birthday.  Thanks to Daddy's stellar driving, we made it and I'm so glad.  What a fun time we had.  Will swam with Amy, Luke, Shelby, Grace and Christi (mommy forgot our swim bag, so no Mommy and Daddy in the pool).  He loves the water and we had so much fun watching them.  Sweet Nathan had a great party with a ton of people that love him.  We stayed longer than we should have, then had to pack up and hurry home.
Next on the list was getting Mr. Will ready to spend the night with Grandma.  He loves his Grandma (and so do we).  He gets excited to see her coming and loves her living room filled with his toys and his pool on the patio at her house.  So Grandma came to get Mr. Will and . . . we had to get ready to go to an out of town wedding.
Getting ready is not my strong suit.  I am slow, I get side tracked and I am usually late.  There I said it.  If you love me, you love me in spite of these things.  So, I tried to hurry, but I was of course running a little behind.  We get in the car, where I told Bill the directions were on my phone.  Down the road we go, where Bill asks, " Where's your phone?".  Back home we head . . . and we're off again.  We have to pick up a friend in Homewood and make it to Anniston in basically an hour.  Once again, thank you Bill for your amazing driving.  We made it.
What a beautiful wedding Natalie and Taylor had.  She was gorgeous.  He was handsome.  The food was good and the band great. AND Bill danced with me.  What a great night and a great date.
We stayed for a little while, but then we realized that we could be at home, getting a full nights sleep, which does not happen with Mr. Will.  So, we are such party animals, that we were home by 10:30 and we had a great nights sleep.  (Thanks again, Grandma!)
I would post pics of all of these wonderful events, but my camera was at home the whole time.  Oh well.
Now for today 's agenda - Church, Memaw's, Amy's for Crystal's 16th birthday, then the mound of laundry in my laundry room and to clean up this house that is definitely lived in and overrun with toys.

** One more side note.  When I posted to Lindsey last week, I was on pain drugs.  I did go back and fix my many errors and did notice that it was basically unreadable.  I will try not to blog while high anymore :)

10 Months . . .

Mr. Will turned 10 months old yesterday.  He celebrated by taking a few steps at Memaw and Pappa's house and by showing out and making us all laugh hysterically yesterday.  It seems like only yesterday that I held him for the first time and yet, it seems like I don't remember life before his joy became mine.  I love this little boy.  I am so blessed to be so a Mother to such a sweet precious little guy.

YUM

Homemade . Key . Lime . Cupcakes.

Cream . Cheese .  Icing.

YUMMY!

(and pain drugs to take to help with the joys of another ovarian cyst.)

Lindsey's Challenge

So, my sweet baby sister-n-law issued a little blog/game/challenge to me to answer a few questions. Fun, but of course, I am late and I am sure she didn't think I was reading her blog or paying attention, but I am. Nah Nah Boo Boo little girl. Here are your answers:


and here are my questions for all you ladies.

1. what is your favorite restaurant, what do you order?
Sumo and I love Crunchy Shrimp Roll, California Roll, Spicy Tuna, or Shrimp and Scallops

2. favorite childhood memory?
Floating down the river in a HUGE float full of soap suds with 20 of my closest friends


3. (only because I love princesses) what princess would you be and why?
Fiona. Why you ask? Her Prince Charming is unconventional and funny and she lives with a bunch of fruitcakes.
Ariel would be my other choice, because she is a hard-headed dreamer and I love that!

4. what is your biggest pet peeve?
People who are two-faced. I have been that person, and I was not a good person. I wish people would just say "I don't like you" rather than pretend and stab you in the back.


5. what is your favorite hobby?
WOW, I have a ton. Dancing, painting, thrift-ing, shopping, laughing. I guess my fave is laughing.

6. if you had a genie for a day, what would your 3 wishes be?

       Lots of financial security for my family so I could stay home with the kids, and help those I know who need a boost
      Kids - meaning my second wish would be for 2 more perfectly healthy babies
      To see everyone that I know accept Jesus as Lord and Saviour

7. what is your favorite movie?
Steel Magnolias! Hands down.


8. what is a quote you like?
"my strength is as big as the God within me". I actually was given this today by a dear friend from a blog that she loves, and I am clinging to it right now.

I wore the wrong thing . . .

I wore the wrong thing last Thursday.  I got out of bed, chose clothes that I don't usually wear and was uncomfortable all day long.  That trickled down into every part of my day.  I was anxious, uptight, agitated all day long.  I could not concentrate and did not do a good job at my work.  I was miserable.  Over clothes. Something that shouldn't matter.  Once I got home and changed clothes, I noticed an immediate change in my attitude.

I have thought about that a lot about that since Thursday.  How often do we wear the wrong thing on the inside.  We put on a smile and makeup and clothing that makes us look the part, but we wear malice, anger, bitterness, jealousy, insecurity.  Those things make us anxious, uptight, agitated.  They affect everything that we do during the day.  What we wear in our hearts is directly related to what kind of day we have and who we are. 

I am trying daily to put on the full armor of God.  That way, I am dressed appropriately for anything that comes my way.  I want to be uplifting, positive, encouraging, self controlled.  I want to wear the fruit of the spirit that God has called me to wear.   And when I fail, I want to praise God for the opportunity to change.

Puppies

Mississippi, Wonderful Relatives, and DOGS

I'm tired. 
That could be because we travelled to Jackson Mississippi this weekend.  We went to visit Aunt Libbie and Uncle Mike, Kelly, Jamie and all the dogs!  We got in late Friday night and stayed up until 1 AM visiting.  It is so nice to go into someone else's home and be made completely comfortable.  Such fun conversation and laughter.  They are my relatives by marriage, but it just felt like family this weekend and THEY SPOILED US ROTTEN!  Saturday, we spent the morning loving on dogs (I will run down all of the dogs in a minute).  Aunt Libbie cooked for us, while will flirted with her.  He played and played, and was just wrapped around his Uncle Mike's finger.  Then, they took us out for awesome pizza and a trip to Aunt Libbie's Merle Norman store at the mall.  I shopped and oohed and awed over everything while they took Will to the toy store.  As you can imagine, he came back rich with awesome toys.  And I left with new shoes and a new purse and a new face thanks to sweet Kelly.  Mike and Lib kept Mr. Will while Bill and I went on a date to Vicksburg for good food and fun.  What a great time I had with my sweet husband.  We should date more.  When we do, we remember that we really, really like each other. 
Sunday morning, we got up again and played with lots of puppies, while Uncle Mike and Will cooked us breakfast again.  Then, we had a wonderful Japanese lunch and more visiting before we headed home.
I will post pictures, but I want to run down a list of the dogs just for my fun.  They have a LOT of Boxers right now.  Momma dog, Lilly, who is accompanied by 12 of her puppies.  She has Hank and Bella (who are huge) from her first litter, Petal from her second litter (who is a boxer/German pointer and a princess)  and nine new boxer babies.  If you know me, then you know that I was in HEAVEN with all of these babies.  I managed to love them all and even name several of the babies - Button, Spice, Pumpkin, Little Man . . . and I announced that I wanted each one at least once during the 48 hours we were there.  I think we decided that we love Button for Grandma and we want Lilly, if and when she needs a new home. 
I know this post is all over the place, but I want to document this because I felt like a Princess all weekend.  I did learn one valuable lesson.  Traveling with a baby is HARD WORK, and we have a wonderful happy baby.  It is just taxing, especially because I don't like to travel at all.  I like to go new places, but I hate getting there.  Thank God, Bill has the patience of Job and handles my grumpy self very well. 
I am glad to be home, but I want to remember this weekend.  I felt like a kid again, and with all of the stress that has been on my shoulders for quite some time, I needed this. 
Thanks Uncle Mike and Aunt Lib, Kelly and Jamie for letting me be a part of the family, for loving Bill and Will and for making us feel so special. 
We love you guys.

Bert Blackburn, March 1998 - June 2010

Our tears fell down our cheeks today as we held your paw

the memories of the past years both of us recalled

Your playful spirit and wonderful affection

Your mighty bark and years of protection

You have been our companion and our friend

Bert, will miss you forever, but this is not the end

Having you as a friend, we were truly blessed

so, go now to the Rainbow Bridge and rest

Don't worry for your Master's anymore,

We will see you when we cross the shore.

And there will be no more pain

when at last we get to play again.

In loving memory of Bert Blackburn

March 1998 - June 2010

Goodbye, Sweet Bert.

If you know anything about me at all, then you know I don't like to sat goodbye, EVER.  I don't say goodbye on the phone, I hate goodbye in person and I hate the indefinite goodbyes until we get to Heaven.  Even as a child visiting my relatives in Mobile, I cried every time we left.  It hurts to leave behind those that you love. 

Well, today Bill and I had to do one of the the hardest things I have had to do in a long, long time.  We said goodbye to our dear precious dog, Bert.  Bill got him in March of 1998.  We were blessed to have such a great dog for so many years.  He was a puppy his whole life, always jumping and playing with us, but only us.  He played hard with his doggie soulmate, Berneice, but only her.  No other dogs allowed.  He guarded his friend, his owners and his home.  He was our protector.  He knew the sound of our vehicles and welcomed us with his loud bark every time we drove up.  He barked when Bill turned onto our street, just to let me know he was on the way.  He  barked the "other bark" when  anyone was anywhere near our home.

Bert was out guardian and would have laid down his life for us without hesitations. 

He had a very adventurous life for a dog.  He was shot when he was a little over a year old.  That is right, shot.  Someone shot our dog in his on fenced in back yard for no apparent reason.  But, thanks to  our wonderful vet, he over came that.  He had a couple of bouts with opossums, two very traumatic run ins with a raccoon, and he attacked a police officer for coming into his fence. 

He was a great friend and a part of our family that we will very much miss.  Bill and I both have somewhat soft hearts.  We love with everything we have.  We loved Bert just that way and we are hurting We are sad, and we are relying on the comforter to touch our hearts tonight.

Fishing . . . I think not

Ever had one of those days?  Bill and I have been planning on going fishing for about 3 weeks.  We picked today, Monday, because I was off work, we had a babysitter, and the lake wouldn't be crowded.  I had checked James Spann's website 100 times to make sure the weather would cooperate and was ready to go.  You have to understand, Bill is not a fisher, he is a catcher, so our destination would be a stocked catfish pond, because if Bill ain't catchin', he ain't stayin.  So the destination was planned, we were packed and ready to go.
This is how our day went . . . Will, our alarm clock, overslept.  Then, I took him to Mrs. Dawn's, where he loves to go, but he cried and it took me forever to leave him.  So, it was after 9AM when we left home.  (No problem, because I did not care if we were fishing in the hottest part of the day.)  Did I mention, fishing is my favorite past time and I was super excited.
Then, we get to exit 100 on 59 after discussing what a blessing our old beat up Chevy is.  We were laughing and having a good old time, when Bill said, the truck is running hot.  So, off the interstate we go.  We called our good friends (the cavalry) and with a little tweaking and 45 minutes later, we were back on our way to the lake.  (So, we were just a little late, but we were still going fishing.  I was determined!) 
Apparently, it was not my day.  We drove another 30 minutes and get to the lake to see a sign that says "Open Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday".  UGH.  OK, new plan.  On to the county lake.  Even though it isn't quite as stocked, we will still have fun.  So we drive about 15 minutes down the road, and I am once again excited.  I AM GOIN FISHIN.  Then we see the sign "Bibb County Lake: Closed Monday".  So, I pouted a minute, then I put on my big girl panties and decided to just enjoy the day with Bill.
And a good day it was, despite the anger of the fishing gods.

My other Dad

Father's Day came and went, and I forgot to talk about my "other" dad.  Bill and I started dating when I was 15.  We took a break for a while, but have been together for almost 15 years straight.  Over the years, I have built a relationship with my father in law.  He is the most laid back, easy going man I have ever met.  He is full of fun all the time and always really busy.  He is a beach lovin', golf playing, dad who is a sucker for his girls.  I have always loved him, but a few years ago, I realized just how much he loves me.  Bill and I went through a "valley".  A BIG VALLEY.  We were both at rock bottom and in a rough place.  My sweet father in law just happened to get called into the thick of it all.  He held my hand, cried with us, prayed for us, and was just there.  I won't share all of the details, but I can tell you that his encouragement, patience, love and help made an impact in my life that I will never, ever forget.  His love changed my future.  Bill is just like his Daddy in a lot of ways.  They are good men.  The best men.  I am so thankful that Will has such a great example from his Daddy and his Grandaddy.  I am thankful to have "the other Bill" in my life.  So, before Father's Day week is gone, I want to say thank you "big Bill".  I don't tell you enough, but you are a blessing and I love you.

This is the life!

Swimming wore Will out and he fell asleep in the pool, so . . .

we got him out and let him rest :)

Daddy

Happy Father's Day to my sweet Daddy too.  You worked so hard to teach Amy and I hard work, dedication, dependability, love, and fun.  You sacrificed so much to make sure that we were taken care of, to make sure that we had what we needed and what we wanted.  You played in the floor with us when we were little, waited up when we were working late, just so we didn't have to come home to an empty room, and held our hands through the hardest times of our lives. You still make us giggle at your grumpy moods and your silly jokes.  You were our "Father" not our "Friend", and when we needed tough love, you dished it out.  THANK YOU DADDY.  For those things, the hard things, and for being our friend now.  We miss having you close, but we cherish every second we see you and we love your "country" stories.
Daddy, we couldn't have been blessed with a better Daddy or our babies with a bette grandfather, and we couldn't love you more!
Love, your babies (and the hubbies and the grandbabies)

Father's Day

From Father's Day 2009 to Father's Day 2010

Happy Father's Day to the sweetest, most precious Daddy, husband, friend that we could ever ask for!  Will and I are so blessed to celebrate life with you every day.  I see the way you light up when you see Will and I enter the room.  I see your sweet smile and hear your beautiful voice singing to Will when you think no one is listening, and it thrills my soul.  You carry me, you make me better, and Will is going to be an amazing man because of the example you are setting for him.  You are our earthly example of the Father's love for His children, and we could not be more blessed.  Thank you, Bill, for sharing life with me.  Thank you for forging through 8 years of heartache, and loving me ragardless, and having hope that we would one day be parents.  You are our EVERYTHING and we love you!

9-6

That is right.  9 PM to 6 AM

Our little guy turned 9 months old this week, and do you know what he did?  Do you? Can you guess? 

HE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

And so did I.  And so did Bill. 

AHHHHH

So why am I tired today?  Too much sleep maybe.

Amy

Sister. Friend. Supporter. Cohort in Crime. Mamie to my son.  Sharer of my childhood and dreams. Stand-in mom. Rock of our Family. Mine.
I am the baby.  Therefore, there are no memories without her.  My whole life includes her. 
Dancing in our panties in the rain, sharing the Strawberry Shortcake room, giggling ourselves to sleep, holding hands on Christmas morning, playing on the whirly-bird, swimming, softball, cheering, school, band, working together, playing hard, long nights planning concerts, midnight shopping the day after Thanksgiving, The Dove Awards.  Holding hands and welcoming our babies into this world. Crying, laughing, hurting, helping.
She encompasses all of these things to me.  Every birthday, every death, every hardship, every celebration, every loss and every new life.  She has been right here.
Having a sister is one of the greatest gifts anyone could have, but having a sister like Amy is the GREATEST.  It is a blessing to call her sister, it is an HONOR and PRIVILEGE to call her my friend.
So, on this her very special birthday week, I celebrate my sister, my blessing, my friend. 
God, please bless Amy with the same joy and happiness that she has and continues to bring into my life.
Amy, I love you most!
Sissy

Domestic

Is that even how you spell the word?  I was not trained to be a domestic woman.  I was convinced that I would never have to do all of those things that Mom spent her life doing . . . like staying in the kitchen, mopping floors, and doing laundry every day.
Guess what?  I have not found the domestic fairy to come and do these things when I wiggle my nose.  For 10 years of marriage, I have gotten by on Bill's cooking (which is awesome, but includes no veggie), eating cereal and Chef Boyardee when he isn't here and staying so busy that we didn't really have time to make a dirty house.
Enter motherhood and age 31.
I want to stay home, which means we mess up the house and I need to clean it.  Will likes it here and I like being here with him and his Daddy.  I want to eat healthier, which means I need to learn how to cook things to go along with Bill's wonderful grilled steaks, chicken, etc.  I want Will to know what veggies are and that they come froms somewhere other than a can.
So, I AM GOING TO BECOME DOMESTIC if it kills me.  I realize that I should have been doing these things for my sweet husband all of these years, so I am starting now.
Today, I baked a cake and decorated it for my sister's birthday.  It isn't great or even good, but a start. And you know what, (GASP) I think I am starting to enjoy being in the kitchen and working in my house. 
Who knew? Maybe I did get some of those things from Mom.  It just took a little while for them to surface.

Sweet Will's changes

This is my sweet happy little guy. He was 7 months when these pics were taken thanks to our awesome photographer, Kim Sharit.
As you can see, he is getting SO BIG. He is now almost 9 months and is a blast all the time. We are crawling everywhere and FAST. Like REALLY FAST! He is pulling up on everything and has no fear. He did not get that from me! Mr. Will is also talking. That's right, I said my nine month old is talking!
So far, he says Mama, Dada, Yaddy, Pappa or Pop Pop, Wow, Oh, Hey, Bye-bye-bye, and Uh-oh. I think that is all so far, but it seems like we get a new word every day. I don't even know which one was his first word, because all of a sudden, he was just saying words.
The little guy is busy all the time. He still hates to sleep and be alone, but loves to play with Lucy and anyone who will get in the floor with him. Will is animated (if you can't tell from the picture). He loves his Yaddy most, but wants Mama when he is upset or tired. He loves toys, but empty boxes more, and he can't wait to get up and chase Luke. He is trying so hard to walk. (I need new running shoes for that).
Will is displaying more and more of his own personality and I LOVE that. He has been showing us that he wants his own way and that he has a little temper. Also, he is a lover and a snuggler!
He loves music, outside and the water, definitely traits from his Mama.
I love that I can see both of us in who he is and I have to say that this is my favorite stage so far.