Hiding, hurting, healing

This is what is on my mind . . . it is random, it probably sounds like my mind is all over the place and it is, but this is what is in my head and its my blog, so out it comes:

Have you ever done something that you aren't proud of and hid it from others, especially the ones you love?  Me too.  Sometimes, we do things that are wrong and ugly and things happen in our lives that we aren't proud of, and we hide those things.  I as hiding in the mud on the floor of a very deep valley for a while.  Then, God reached out.  (I wanted to say He "caim along", but that isnt true because He never left me.)  He picked me up, dusted my back, cleaned by wounds, and helpeds me climb back on the mountain.  And when I reached the mountain, I decided to NEVER look back or think of where I had been. I knew I was forgiven and redeemed and restored.  I surely had no intention of telling anyone where I have been or what I have been through. Well, I have learned that sometimes, those very horrible life experiences that we go through are exactly what we need to share with others who are facing similar situations.  So, I have decided to share some things that I never thought possible with someone that I love dearly, in hopes that she will be encouraged.  She is hurting and I am hurting for her.  Please say a prayer for my special friend.  God knows the details and I will save a blog entry to post the praise report that is to come.

Not blogging . . .

No I haven't been blogging.  Yes, I have been in trouble for not blogging (Uncle Pat :)), but good gracious, don't you guys know what I have to do every day?
I wake up to a beautiful smiling baby boy.  I have to play with him until I am almost going to be late to work. Then, off to work it is.  Some days are easy and some are hard, but most are fun and I love my job, but I do still have to work and it is sometimes tiring.
Then, off to exercise (GASP! Dont pass out just yet . . . this has only been going on for a few weeks). 
Then, home to play with my sweet baby boy and his awesome Daddy before bedtime, which is somewhere around 11 or 12. 
Many days, I squeeze in visits with family and friends, little trips to the ball park (because I am getting ready to be that Mom), emails and phone calls to my sister and my Daddy and a lot of "I love you's". 

Will's 6 Month Check Up

I took Will to see Dr. G for his 6 month check up today and what I already knew was confirmed.  We have brochiolitis again.  No shots for my little man.  Instead, we are quaratined for at least 2 more day.  He is one sick little fellow.  Last night was very taxing and draining.  He can not sleep for more than about 30 minutes for coughing or getting uncomfortable.  On top of that, he has two teeth that have broken the gums A(one on top, one on bottom) and at least two more getting close.  He is jsut pitiful and Mommy's heart aches for him.
I asked my friend and mom of three why she didn't tell me about the horrors of teething and she said you tell woman stuff like that.  They wouldn't have kids.
Regardless of sick, the little guy is still growing by leaps and bounds.  He weighed in at just shy of 20lbs and was 28 inches tall.  That is the 90th percentile for both height and weight.  I knew I wouldn't have small kids, but I wasn't expecting to have to look up to them at the age of five.  At this rate, I better get stilts.

March 21st

Sunday, March 2, 2010, Bill and I stood before a host of family and friends in our home church and dedicated William Raymond Blackburn, V to our God, the God of salvation and wonder who gave His only Son to die on the Cross for us!  I am struggling to find the words to express what this means to me. God gave me the desires of my heart, though there is not one worthy bone in body.  We love this precious baby with every ounce of our being.  He has captured places of my heart that I did not know existed.  He has cultivated a new love from Bill that is beautiful to watch.  He has made us fall even more in love in a new exciting way.  His little life has already been used to restore friendships and heal old wounds that he may never even know about.  He is a living breathing example of a living breathing God.  With Will's life, God gave us a great gift and responsibility.  Bill and I made a covenant with God this Sunday that we will always point Will in the direction of salvation, that we will raise him in church, and that we will make our lives a living example of God's love. 

Four years ago on this same date, we sat in the very same special church at the very same time and worshipped our God for the gift of my Mom.  We praised God for her life and prayed for comfort for our loss and He provided.  It hurts not to have her on special days.  But, I believe that she was there with us this Sunday.  I believe that God allowed her to see Will dedicated into his hands.  I believe that she saw CJ, Luke and Will stand at the altar of that church where she found salvation.  I believe that she sees Amy and I as Mommies and I believe that she is proud of us.  I believe she taught us well.

And I believe that God has his hands on our family and is ready to do a mighty work in ALL of US!  I am standing back and getting ready for what He has in store.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILL!!!!!!

My sweet precious husband is 34 years old today. We started dating when he was 18. Where has the time gone? We have had some great moments, some hard moments and through it all, some blessed moments! I am so amazingly blessed to have Bill as a husband. Happy "very special birthday week" Bill! I realize I am more in love with you today than ever before!

Almost 6 months

Big Will

What a big boy! Will is almost 6 months old and boy is he growing and changing. He has mastered the art of eating baby food and loves it. He loves sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, green beans, and fruit. He HATES squash ! I didn't know babies could hate food, but trust me, he does. The first time he ate squash, he got sick. Last night, we tried again and he actually screamed and had a fit every time I put it in his mouth. The boy is opinionated, that's for sure.
He is sitting up by himself now and loves to play in the floor. I am afraid I will have a mobile kid soon . . . that terrifies me. I like knowing where he is all the time. My new favorite sound is his laugh. He gets so tickled at things and I get tickled at him. He still loves "swimming" in the tub and playing with his toes. And he LOVES his Daddy. You should see his little eyes light up when he sees Bill walk in the room.
Did I mention how incredibly precious his toes are? What about his tee-niny hiney? What about his little ears? He is perfect and I fall in love all over again with him every day.
We are absolutely fearfully and wonderfully made, and I am pretty sure Will is perfectly made as well.

Busy . . . .Blessed

I've been too busy living to stop and blog about life, but tonight I thought I would take a moment to catch up.  I wanted to say that I am a blessed woman.  I am a blood bought sinner saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.  I am wife to the most patient, kind, fun-loving man I have ever met and he loves me in a way I can't even understand; I am mommy to the happiest, sweetest most precious baby boy ever; and I am loved and cared for by an amazing group of family and friends. (I even have an amazing dog).  I have a great, fun job; an terrific boss; a cute little house with a lot of history and loved poured into it; a car that runs; food in the pantry; and a little money in the bank.  We don't have the most or best of everything, but I honestly can't think of anything I want or need.   Like I said, I am a blessed woman and today, on Valentine's Day, I am in love with the life God has provided for me!

Some of my new favorites!

Will and his Teddy Bear!

Will

Will is changing and learning new things every day.  New on our list for the last week is rolling our lips to make a "pssttthhhh" noise, playing with our toes (or his toes) and laughing, really laughing, out loud.  He is also slobbering like crazy which makes me think we have teethies on the way.  Oh how they grow so fast.  I was looking at Luke this weekend and thinking I was just watching him play with his toes, and now he is telling me about colors and toys and saying "love you too".  Each stage is awesome and I find myseld falling more in love with this little guy everyday.

Joy . . .

Day 14:   Joy came when I had lunch with my sweet boss, Missy who is one of the most encouraging people I know.
Day 15:   Joy comes from my family and on this day from spending time with Memaw and Papa and Grandma Deb and Will.
Day 16:   Joy came when god sent healing from my migraine headache.  I have been suffering with them for three weeks off and on and was so thankful when it stopped hurting Friday.
Day 17:   Girl's day with my awesome sister, Aunt Lynda, Christi, Inga, Jen, Grace, Shelby, and Luke and Will.  Yes, they fit in and what a wonderful day full of joy.
Day  18:  Joy came from playing with Bill and Gracie and Will and screaming like little kids :)  Also, visiting with Angela, Amanda and the kids was wonderful as well.  We are so blessed with out awesome family. 

Day 13

Day 13:   My joy was found in holding my brand new baby cousin this morning.  Cameron Jason Hubka was born on Saturday morning.  He is just perfect and of course, beautiful, because our family doesn't make ugly babies.  Mommy and baby are both doing well and Daniel and Nathan are so excited about thier new addition.  I can't wait for Luke, Nathan, Will and Cameron to play together (with C.J. and Gracie and Shelby)!

Will is Four Months Old

HOLY COW BATMAN!  Where did the time go?  How could he be four months old?  I just held him, just kissed his nose and toes, just held his little hand for the first time - yesterday it seems.  But then, somehow, life without him seems so distant.  Being a Mommy is all encompassing.  I wake up and think about what he is doing, I go to bed longing to hold him five more minutes each day, I force myself to put him in his "big-boy" bed instead of in my room next to me.  I can't wait to get home to him and his daddy in the evenings . . . to see them snuggling on the couch or "talking" to each other.  He is learning new things everyday.  He laughs, and smiles, and plays with little toys, rolls over, and listens to music and is learning to grab hold of things. We tell him he is our "big boy" and he laughs out loud.  He is so much fun.  I think I always knew I would like being a Mommy.  I always knew it would be a lot of hard work and I always knew it would be rewarding on so many levels, but I never knew it would be so much fun.
We went to see Dr. Goldsmith for our 4 month checkup this morning.  Will is 26 1/4 inches and 17 pounds.  He is in the 90th percentile on height and weight and is perfect!  Of course, check ups = shots, so he isn't feeling that well this evening, but I am sure he will be back to his smiley self tomorrow.

Joy Challenge

Day 10:   I found joy on Friday while being silly with sweet friends at lunch.  What a time of renewal to sit around and laugh and act like we're 15 again!  I learned a lot of useful information about chickens, and eggs and neing southern :)  This will require another post.
Day 11:   Joy came when I went on a date with my husband.  After 10 years of marriage, it is still wonderful to watch a movie and hold hands with Bill.  God truly blessed me with such an awesome partner to share in this journey.
Day 12:   What a wonderful morning  . . . I love walking into to church with my family and I love having enough family there to almost fill an entire row.  Now, if I can just get my sister there with me, that would be double joy.
Day 13:   Waking up on a Monday morning and realizing I get to spend the day with Will brought great joy to me.  Anytime I get extra time with Will and Bill is awesome!

More Joy!

Day7:   Joy came when I ate lunch with a dear sweet friend and we talked and laughed.  I think this is the kind of friendship Jesus wants us to have with Him.  It is easy, not over-complicated, nothing required, just the desire to be together.

Day 8:   Joy was all over me all day!  I woke up happy (and early -GASP), enjoyed my morning with my sweet baby, and had a great day at work.  I think I realized I was covered in joy, when I took my lunch hour and spent time knitting (I know, right?).  What a relaxing few minutes in a busy day.

Day 9:   Joy came to me today when I spent a few minutes talking to Bill on the way to work. He is my best friend, my rock, my better half and I LOVE that he WANTS to tell me "good morning" or "have a good day".   

Joy Comes in the Morning Days 4, 5, 6

Day 4:    Joy came when I got to spend a whole day with my family and my cousins on Saturday.  What an awesome day to sit around and talk and visit!  This is the kind of thing that I live for, the kind of day that makes my soul smile.

Day 5:    Joy came when I walked into church on Sunday morning with my wonderful hubby and my awesome baby and got to sit beside my sweet Grace and precious Shelby and Aunt Linda.  My cup runneth over! After church, we went to eat lunch with Grandma Deb, then got to visit with Aunt Amy, then later with Grandaddy and Uncle Dan.  Then, Bill cooked us an awesome dinner. 

Day 6:    Joy came to me this morning with the beautiful sunshine.  I LOVE the sunshine and it makes my heart happy to walk out into it on a Monday morning (or any morning).  

Joy Comes in the Morning - Day 2 and 3

Ok, I said I would find something every day that brings me joy . . . I didn't say I would actually make it to the computer to blog about it every day (but I will try).

Day 2: The beauty of the snow brought me joy today. God is an awesome artist! The snow brings such a sense of peace as it is falling and I love it.
Day 3: Joy litterally comes in the morning when sweet Will is cooing and laughing when he wakes up. I don't know about other people, but I can't imagine a better alarm clock.

Joy Comes in the Morning!

I have received an indirect challenge from my cousin's blog. I will strive for the next 40 days to find one new/different thing every day that brings me joy. I focus too much on the negative things that happen around me and that is not the Spirit of Praise that a child of the King should have. For the next forty days, I will search for the joy in my day.
I am driven to this today after 4 days of sickness in our home. Normally, I would complain about how horrible it was and how awful we all felt . . . but today is my first day to find joy. So here we go:

Day 1 of 40: I find joy in healing. I often complain when myself or my family is feeling badly, but rarely offer Praise when we feel well. God heals us when Satan attacks us with sickness. Today I find joy in the God of healing.

Baby Will has been attacked . . .

by a horrible stomach bug. It is evil I tell you. Nobody should be subjected to the dreaded stomach virus, but espcecially not a baby! Sweet little guy, he just smiles and loves on us, but he does want his Mommy. I am finally convinced that he KNOWS I am his Mommy. . . and that he needs Mommy when he doesn't feel well. I hate that he is sick, but my heart melts that he wants needs me. We are praying him through this and waiting on a better day tomorrow.

Its a New Year, Time for a New Me!

Ok, maybe not totally a new me, but maybe an improved me. These are my ten new goals for this year:
1. Get healthy and stay that way.
2. Sleep less. I can sleep when I am old, but I want to enjoy life now.
3. Spend more time with family and friends.
4. Learn to cook 12 things really well.
5. Spend less money and save more.
6. Clean (really clean) and unclutter one room a month.
7. Play more, especially outside.
8. Go to church and read the Bible routinely.
9. Play with and read to Will every day, and enjoy every second of it.
10. Date my husband and maintain the awesome relationship God has given us.

I like New Years. It gives us all a chance to start over and "do" life better. God has blessed us well beyond what we deserve and I fully intend to appreciate those blessings this year.